Forgiveness
by integral love
Summary: Ruby meets someone unexpected in her afterlife and they have a little talk about life, sacrifices and love.
1. Forgiveness

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the thing that might become a plot if I continue to write this.

It is my first try at fanfiction and english is not my first language so please comment to make sure I get better at this.  
I hope you have fun though, so enjoy.

She slowly opened her eyes, blinking away the darkness. Taking in her new surroundings, green hills, grey sky and the soft sound of waves, she wondered what had happened. Of course, she died. "So there is an afterlife for me" she mused. Walking around for some time she found a place close to a cliff where she could watch the stormy ocean clash with the shore. Strangely she did not feel the wind or the cold. Everything seemed comfortably numb, relaxing. Sitting down she let her mind wander.

_I'm searching for answers  
not given for free  
They're hidden inside, is there life within me?_

Two boys, Sam and Dean, Lucifer... short sequences flashed before her eyes and she let them take her away into a world of memories. Realizing what had happened, what she had done, she closed her eyes in pain. She should have known better. She shouldn't have let any of this happen. She never meant for the events to turn out the way they did but somehow in between getting too close to Sam and trying to teach him she had lost control.

_I'm dreaming in colors  
Of getting the chance_

A demon had sought her out, one whose wish she could not deny. Azazel had appeared to her when she had been alone. A demon everyone thought dead. He gave her a choice. Make sure Sam becomes stronger and frees Lucifer or see Sam being consumed by his powers. Azazel had told her he could control Sams' powers through his blood, that he would make sure the boy killed Dean and Bobby. He would loose all that was left of his family if she did not obey. Naturally she never knew if he could do it but the risc was too high. Trying to say no was a risc that came with a price she was not willing to pay.  
So she did what she was told. She made sure Sam would get hurt just to spare him more pain. It hadn't been fair to the boy but she assumed that after all those years in hell and on earth she knew humans well enough to know that he would get over it. Enough at least to move on, enough to sort out the mess the world had to end in whether they helped to start it or not.

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia?  
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?_

Taking a deep breath she let a single tear roll down her cheeks. She had knwon the moment Sam got too close to her, her end would be inevitable. She would die. She left her knive whith Dean anyway. Been easier for all of them when she was gone. And in a way she guessed it was. Is, really.

_I'm dreaming in colors, no boundaries are there  
I'm dreaming the dream, we all seem to share_

Her own reaction to Lucifers rising had been happieness. Not because the Apocallypse would start, she couldn't care less about that, and not because Sam was stronger now. No she had been happy that this was the end. Her end. She had done the deed, Sam would be safe for a while, Azazel would leave him alone and maybe, just maybe with the help of Dean, Sam could safe the world and possibly become happy again.  
If they knew it would have been a desaster. Sam would blame himself, Dean would get angry. The boys really were a handful. They would go after Azazel again. And this time they might just get themself killed. Killed without any chance of ressurection. With her dead there was nothing that could link Azazel to the events, nothing that would make the boys get into anymore trouble than they were already in.

_You're holding my hand but you don't understand  
So where I am going, you won't be in the end_

Sure, they had their little guardian. She wonders whether he was still around. Probably, the angel seemed devoted to Dean even after the short amount of time he had been around the hunter. Not that she could blame him, something seemed to draw the more emotional supernatural beings to the Winchesters. No not the more emotional ones, the weird ones, the outcasts and the underdogs. Probably because the boys were underdogs themself and despite everything that had happened to them they still carried on, they still fought, they still wanted everything to be better.

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia?  
And when the lights die down, telling us who we are?_

With a sight she lets herself fall on her back and wonders how it is that a world with a god can be so unfair. They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions and somehow she thinks there is more truth to it than anyone would think. She has seen it herself, been a part of it. Lucifer beeing the first, wanting to safe God from a painfull experience with humans and going too far, doing the wrong things in the eyes of his father. Of cause he might have been jealous but nobody ever gave him the benefit of the doubt. He fell, possibly trying to save the very being that banned him. There was her becoming a witch to help her son and her sister survive the pest, giving up her soul in the process. And she fell. Down in the pit the same way Lucifer fell. Both of them wanted to safe, both of them seen as demons. But they still kept their memories and emotions. Not that she liked Lucifer but thinking about all this and how Sams good intentions would go to waste the moment he died because of the demon blood in him, she couldn't help but sympathise and marvel at the irony of it all.

_I hang my coat up in the first bar  
There is no peace that I've found so far_

Gliding in a dream-like state with all her memories, dreams and musings keeping her occupied she failed to notice soft footsteps. Only when she heard a man wondering how it was possible that dead andgels and demons went to the same place she opened her eyes again and looked up to a short man, angel really, who was obviously wearing his last vessel the same way she did with hers.

_I'm looking at you through the glass  
Don't know how much time has passed_

She shrank back a bit, scared of the angel. After all, what did he want? Why did he bother? Most angels, even the fallen ones thought themself above demons. "I know who you are, what you did, possibly even why" he said. Detecting no trace of anger or bitterness in his voice she relaxed a bit and looked up to see a strange mix of sadness, pain and even longing in his eyes. Emotions that did not seem to get along with the lines on his face which spoke of laughter, emotions that did not get along with what he was. "I'm Gabriel. Though some may know me as the Trickster or Loki. I guess you could say we died a similar death." He answered her unasked questions. She realized that he might really want to talk and was trying to creat a lighter atmosphere. One that would make it easier for them to have the heavy talk the angel seemed to get at. "An archangel. A dead archangel. How come you think our deaths were similar. I met some of your brothers. They thought me below them. So what is it that you did?" Suprised at her own interest she decided to let her mistrust towards the angel go. What did she have to loose anyway. "So many questions, huh?" The answer came quick, accompanied by a smile.

_How do you feel? That is the question  
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer_

Silence followed in which the smile turned bitter until a sigh escaped the mouth of the angel. "I tried to stay away from all the fighting, they were my brothers after all. And like Dean and Sam I did not wish to fight my brothers. So I went into hiding. But after meeting the boys, the vessels and annoying little Cassie I had to choose. Heaven or hell. But still I did not chose either. I choose humanity." With a far-off look on his face the angels voice faded.

_When something like a soul becomes initialized  
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes  
You can't expect a bit of hope_

Being suprised by the emotions that were in his face, by the pain and longing she could see again, she had to ask how he had died. His answer was relucant "I had to save Sam and Dean, go in a hotel, get them and Kali out of there and at least make a stand against my brother. I knew I would die", he said after a small pause. "But I did it anyway hoping that they would make it. I did not fight my brother though. Not seriously and I believe a part of him knew, bur it doesn't matter. I got them out and none of them will ever know the sacrifice I made. They won't think about it, they will probably blame me for dying or something like that but I can manage as long as there is still hope that they will make it." He said all this looking up to the sky. She pondered what he said, realizing that the angel had been forced to act against his wishes and had run into his own certain death just the way she had done. One stray thing had caught her attention away from the topic though.

_How much is real?  
So much to question_

"Who is Kali?" The words left her mouth before she could stop them. It did not seem important at first but why would he mention her, why would an archangel who died for humanity mention someone with the name of a goddess? It did not make any sense as long as she was not important.  
The only indication that he had heard her was the small smile that began to grace his features. Not the overly happy smile he had thrown at her in the beginning, not the bitter smile she had seen after that, no it was a soft smile, a fond smile donned by someone remembering a better time, a lost love. She was proven right with her assumptions when he answered "We had a thing, she and I. It was good and maybe it could have lasted. Call me sentimental but it was long since over when all of this happened. Still I think I might have loved her. A strange feeling for an angel but well one could say I was never among the normal ones. She was no mere woman you know. A goddess. Kali- the destroyer some called her. Rarely happy, hard to entertain, seldom cruel but never unjust." He was quiet for a moment but then continued though she thought that she probably did not want to hear this as much as she had thought before. If only because he gave her insight on herself as much as gave up on himself. " For me she was a bit like Sam was for you. Everything I wanted to have, everything I knew I would ruin if I ever told her who I was. Yet I wanted to tell her. But I never did. That knowledge had the potency to not only turn her against me but to turn demons and angels alike against her. Nothing I could allow. Then in the end she was the last straw to my suicide. Without her I might have just taken the boys into safety but with her there I did not only have to step in and stop Luci but I had to make sure he did not follow them."

_Before you tell yourself  
It's just a different scene  
Remember it's just different from what you've seen_

Silence fell over them after this admission. He was an angel and he was certainly not supposed to feel this way, especially over a pagan-goddess. Her thoughts strayed to the similarities and differences between the two of them till she decided to drop it and just watch the ocean for a while. It was too much and he deserved his death far less than any other being.

_Now I know is that it feels like forever  
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home  
Sitting all alone inside your head_

Then suddenly he was looking at her "Would you do it again, all of it, exactly the same way?" She was contemplating this question, thinking about all the times she had been blaming herself for past and present events, wondering if she could have stopped them had she had more courage, had she been stronger.  
"Yes, I would do it again. The same way I already did it. Maybe I could have changed some things, maybe not. But it is not for me to know or see. And as long as there is a chance for a good ending, as long as I know there was something good I believe that what I did can not have been entirely wrong. Would you do everything the same way again?"

_I'm miles from where you are,  
I lay down on the cold ground_

Laughing a geniue laugh which suprised her Gabriel answered "You sure are an interesting creature. Strange but interesting. I know what you mean though. I myself often wondered whether I could have stopped this madness if I had stayed in heaven. But I'm not as self-centered as some of my brothers, or as blindly believing as most of them are. I do not think anything could have changed. And even if there was a chance something might change, what good would it do? I do believe father would have told me if I had been wrong in leaving. I did not fall after all. So yes I think I would do it all again, though maybe I would leave out the dying part. Wasn't nice at all. And I'm pretty sure there was a way around it. Hurt him too, you know?" He took out a candy-bar after his little speech and chuckling she accused him of calling her the strange one.

_And it's the stars  
The stars that shine for you  
And it's the stars  
The stars that lie to you, yeah ah_

They were quiet then, both looking somewhere, beginning to feel the strange world. But again it was Gabriel who broke the silence "You know you are forgiven for your sins..." he was trailing off, looking startled for a moment. Her answer came prompt, her sarcastic nature shining through "So now a finger-snip of the legendary Trickster can make sure your sins are forgiven? You should have made rounds at hells-gate. Ever wondered how many souls you could save that way?"  
To her astounishent he didn't seem to mind, his answer good-humoured "Well it wasn't my place to forgive though I would have, but Daddys. And I think he did forgive you long ago. I get a feeling that Sam would as well, if he knew."  
After some minutes of silence in which Gabriel seemed to concentrate on something she couldn't quite grasp he started to talk to her again " Looks like I get to go back to the playground. Rocking the world, playing Sherif and all that. By the way you will go back as well. Not now, I don't know when but you will. This world is in between it all. It was ingteresting meeting you."  
And with that and a snip of his fingers he was gone. She wanted to ask what he had meant with that, how he knew, if he had talked to his father but he had been too fast, leaving only a lone ashen feather flying in the wind.  
For what felt like the hudereth time she closed her eyes but this time she felt the wind. She didn't feel numb but nearly alive. It was fascinating.  
Maybe Gabriel really had talked to his father and maybe she should try as well. He might not be her favorite person right now but this angel gave her a reason to believe that heavenly goodness might just exist. So she prayed the last prayer she could remember from her human days. The prayer, everything seemed to fade, time had stopped existing the moment she had opened her eyes to this world but now even the word seemed to mean nothing and the sound of the waves let her fall into a trance-like state.

_I pray that something picks me up  
And sets me down in your warm arms  
Until exhausted, close our eyelids  
And dreaming, pick up from  
The last place we left off_

When she woke up she could hear voices. She did not wish to open her eyes out of fear of this being a dream so she decided to listen for a while. The voices were talking softly, sounding maybe a bit tired. She recognised the two main-voices after only a short while. Sam and Dean. The voice of the third man seemed familiar, though she could not place it until the voice asked if anyone wanted candies. She should have guessed it but still was somehow suprised when she realized that it was Gabriel who was hanging around. The last voive who had only spoken a few times belonged to a woman. She did not know who the woman was but the authority it held as well as the somehow gentle yet strong tone it held while scolding the angel for asking such a stupid question suggested to her that this woman had to be close to the angel. Another person entered the room, a voice she did recognise asking whether anything had come up. So Bobby was aroud as well. Big parade. When all voices resumed to talking about non-important stuff she decided that she had to risc waking up. She slowly opened her eyes. Sam and Dean were sitting close by with their backs to her. Sitting on a couch was Bobby, while Castiel was leaning on a wall at the right side of Dean, ready to protect and entirely silent but not uninterested. And Gabriel louging comfortable in a chair on the left side of a window, letting the sun shine on his face though his immediate attention was focused on a dark-skinned woman who stood regal at said window. Kali she presumed, for she was the woman the voice had belonged to and she did hold a power which seemed strong enough to kill with a simple look. Yet the womans look seemed to soften every time it fell upon the lazing arch-angel.  
It seems that she got lucky. This felt like it was real, looked like it was real, probably was real. She was back and kicking... more or less. And in her old vessel, the dark haired one. What happened obviously wasn't a dream. And someone, Gabriel she guessed had told the boys. Why else would they let her live, why else did the other angel let her be if not for the fact that Gabriel told them. Seeing that the people in the room had yet to notice that she was awake she tried to move, something that got the attention of everyone. They all moved and while Gabriel only winked at her as though he knew she had been awake for some time and while Kali only nodded her head in her direction most of the others moved towards her. Dean smirked down at her, Bobby got a glass of water and even Castiel smiled a little. But it was all drowned out the moment Sam was within reach "Ruby..."

_Your words in my memory  
Are like music to me  
Your soft skin is weeping  
A joy you can't keep in_


	2. New Authors Note

Hi to everyone who likes this story. I'm not sure how much of this story I am going to post here but as it is part of a longer piece I thought I should post the link to the rest. It is in my profile for now. I hope someone will read this any maybe even comment?  
Much love and a great new year :) 


	3. Emilia

So Ruby is alive but how did she end up in a room with Sam, Dean and the rest of them? And is she right? Did Gabriel tell her story or are there some things she just can't remember.

Three month earlier:

The house was dark when Castiel entered. He did not want to put a stop to his mission but he felt he was in dept of the woman family whose prayers called him here. As he walked further into the house he felt demons. Following this vanishig trace he came into the living-room where he found the wife of his host and his daughter lying on the floor. They were uncontious but seemed otherwise unharmed. On the other side of the room Castiel was suprised to see two dead demons. They were burned though Castiel did not know what did such a controlled damage. It could not have been a normal fire for it would have left traces somewhere in the room. But there was nothing. The angel decided to look around the house before calling the police. Something in the prayers had struck im as strange. Both had asked him to find Emilia, to keep her safe. Castiel did not know of an Emilia in this family so when he went upstairs he was suprised for the second time that day. Not only was there a new room for a child but the presence in the room seemed strangely familiar. Like an angel he thought, but yet entirely different. Walking into the room he looked at a photo on the wall. A small girl with long wavy brown hair and shining green-brown eyes smiled at him. She was about six years old and wore a ligth dress. Below the photo were some pictures that Castiel assumed the girl had drawn. Her name was written in what he thought to be a pretty neat hand for such a young girl. Emilia Lucy Elisa. While searching for more information on the girl he found some of her folders where she had not only written her name in arabic letters but in enochian and sanscrit as well. He carefully took the photo from the wall and began searching in the other rooms for more clues on the girl. When he was sure he had everything that could help him he called the police for help. Checking on the inhabitants of the house he found them still uncontious but otherwise alright so he decided to leave and follow the presence he felt in Emilias room. Outside of the city he lost the trace he had so he decided to get help from the two hunters he would at times call friends.

Sam and Dean sat on a bank outside of an orphanage. For days the ghost of a small kid had hunted the house and attacked adults who came in. The kid had did after finding a new home and it's ghost had been held by small tree it had planted the day it had gone. The case had been hard on them, because all the kid had wanted was to protect the other children, smoething both of them could relate to. In the end the kid had not fought but led them to the tree.

It had been Sams idea to stay a few days more. Both of them had needed a rest. So there they sat watching the children play. If it wasn't so sad it might have been a beautiful scene. Dean's phone rang. It was Cas.

At the far end of the garden a small girl looked up and stared at the boys until one of her playmates broke her concentration. She started running after him, trying to catch up to one of her friends.

Dean was suprised when Castiel called. He had not said a word since he had left and now without anything happening the angel had called. Talking about strange things he now at least knew why Cas had taken a detour but he still was none the wiser what his angel wanted because all he got up until now was that a girl who had been living at the Novaks house was missing. And as far as Dean knew the angel should be able to find one kid.

"Cas relax, no reason to panic. Thought you got upgraded. Can't you find one little kid or did your time in heaven make humans to inferiour to pick up?"

"I should feel her but I can't Dean. Her presence vanished outside the city." The angel sounded as close to disturbed as Dean had ever heard him and that alone was enough to scare Dean just a little. Not that he would say so. "Oh", was all he was able to say for the second. Sam watched him worried. He knew it was Cas but he wasn't used to he brother reacting this way to anything the angel said.

"Wait. How can a presence just vanish? And what were demons doing there anyway? Thought you made sure nothing evil would get close to the Novaks?"

"I couldn't sence her anymore. It felt as though she just blended in with the world around. And I did make sure that they are safe. Amelia had decided to take her in about a year ago when the kid stood in front of her door without a place to go to."

Dean sighted and rubbed his eyes. This could not be true. How could the kid just appear and then disappear. He decided that he did not want to know all of this rigth at the moment so he only voiced one of his questions. "How can a child vanish from angel-radar?"

The answer he got was one he was sure he really did not want to hear. And by Sam's look his suprise was mirrored in his features. "She is not human Dean."

"But what...", for once he was at a total loss of words. The Novaks house had been guarded against most supernatural beings. So how could anything that was not human go in there and play familiy? A short moment of static sounds, then an answer that disturbed Dean even more. "I don't know what she is but it felt nearly as though she was an angel. She did not feel like Anna when she was human though. There was something else in her presence. A little less powerful but yet unimaginable strong for a human. It felt as though two races got mixed. I am sure that she survived because the demons were burned not unlike an angel would burn them. Not the same but similar."

"Alright Cas. Get me a picture, Sam and I will look into it."

With that Dean put the phone down and closed his eyes. This could not be possible. Now they had to play search-party for a little runaway girl that was obviously as far from human as the shapeshifter and his kids. No way that this could end well. He turned to his brother who had waited silently until Dean acknowledged his presence. "You have no idea what we just got into..."

The left the orphanage about half an hour later with Sam just as confused as Dean had been moments before. As they reached the motel and began to settel for a first round of research when suddely Castiel stood in the room, holding a piece of paper with a name and a picture of a little girl. It would have probably taken Dean off-guard if he was not so used to the angel. What startled him though was that he was pretty sure he had seen the girl just hours before in the hunted orphanage. It was nearly impossible that the little girl that had played and laughed with other kids would be Emilia as the paper said. She seemed to be integrated too well. But then that could have been an illusion or a strange gift. After all Cas had said she might be part-angel and what kid did not trust the winged things.

The next day the boys decided to go check on the orphanage again. Dean had indeed seen the girl the day before so they went to get her out which they found to be suprisingly easy. What they did think to be even stranger was that until the girl who had confirmed that she was Emilia Novak, had not uttered a word of protest until she was in their car. Only then the cheerful facade dropped and with a shy voice the girl pleaded something that made the boys wonder what they got into this time.

"Don't bring me to the Novaks please. They were kind to me but they will die if I stay there. Please it's not safe. Just take me somewhere safe. I know you can, I can feel that you are no ordinary humans." The girls speach with it's knowledge and perspective stood in sharp contrast to the appearance of what the boys now knew to be a seven year old girl. "Who are you?" Deans voice sounded far from harsh but the girl still flinched. "Name's Emilia Lucy Hope." The easy tone and the smile irritated the boys bot they decided to let it rest for the time being. So they drove to a motel a little away from the city from where Dean called Cas while Emilia went with Sam to get some food claiming that she was not sure what she wanted to eat and that she wanted to move her legs. By the time Sam and her left the motel-room she sounded like every other seven-year old. A little bratty, without any worry in the world but what was exactly in front of her and annoyingly sweet.

When Sam and Emilia came back Cas was already there, standing close to Dean.

The angel mustered her with a look that could be described as curious though Emilia wasn't sure how she knew that because when she really looked at him he did not seem to care at all. Trying to play the situation easy she took out a candy-bar, opened it and began to eat. The moment she took her attention away from her chocolate she could see the two Winchesters staring at her with wide eyes. Castiel now seemed slightly confused and she was pretty sure that she looked like it even more than the angel who had asked the Winchesters for help. Only after a few minutes Dean seemed to have pity with them and asked the question that stood behind his and Sams eyes "Cas you said she was at least part angel, right? I know Anna enjoyed food and I know it shouldn't suprise me because she's a kid and all but how many angels do you know who like chocolate. No scratch that by the look of bliss on her face I'd say how many do you know that are absolutely in love with it? Among the fallen and not so fallen?" Castiel actually blinked twice in wonder until he answered "What does that have to do with anything? None of the angels in heaven have any kind of liking for any food. And of the fallen I know of few but they were rarely interested in chocolate or any food at all. It is more likely that it is a simple childish thing or something that she has from her other parent." "No I don't think so", Sam fell in immediately, "It looked like an obsession for me. I had problemes getting her away from the candy bars. And as far as the parents go it looks like her angelic side is more dominant. You said so yourself. And it not impossible. You became a bit more human during the apocalypse." "It's not impossible but I don't think I know of anyone who..." "Sure you do Cas. She could be Gabes." And with that Dean had made sure that everyone was silent.

No word was uttered and Emilia started to think about her past. A sligth headache attacked her but she somehow knew that was because her parents had blocked her memories of them. She just knew so she dug deeper, ignoring the pain, totally zoning out. First there were flashes of a dark-skinned woman, then everything came back. Her life with her mother, visits from her father. It only changed when something big was about to happen and her mother had brougt her to her father and asked him to make sure she found a good family until at least one of them was available again. Then her mum had locked her memories. Some parts were still blurry and she couldn't quite make out what all of it meant but she knew her parents had loved her. Then she collapsed, the fight against her mothers barrier finally taking it's toll on her. All she saw before her world went black were three figures running towards her.

When she woke up she felt her head ache. Only slowly her brain seemed to catch up to what had happened. Deciding that opening her eyes would probably hurt her head even more she listened instead.

"You think it's possible? I mean there are stories about Nephilim but they are old and you said that she was not one of them." Sam sounded as though he was deep in thought, his brothers answer came rather fast though "Didn't you say that Loki had many kids? Even one with a horse? Don't think she is the most disturbing one of them."

Something told Emilia that this answer was totally wrong. Whoever he had been talking about was not the one they thought to be her father. Castiel confirmed her suspicion "Dean Loki and Gabriel are not the same persons. As far as history goes Gabriel was still in heaven when Loki had his first kid. It is rather likely that Gabriel only went to him when Loki was caged with the snake. It would explain how he was able to break free. Certainly there is no evidence of that but among the angels who were on earth around that time, some met Lokis children. And none reportet that they were anything close to an angel. This girl though... Since you told me it is nearly impossible not to see. She has something from Gabriel." It was then that Emilia opened her eyes and sat up. Her head had stopped hurting and she felt strangely refreshed. "This Gabriel you are talking about, I think you are right. He is my father." And with that she pulled out a necklace from one of her pockets. It was a simple and silver with one keychain hanging from it in form of an heart. On it stood "Live your Life, in love Mum and Dad". I got this from my parents. Please don't be mad that I didn't tell you. I didn't know. Mum was blocking my memories. Still is actually. I can't really remember much of her. Not even her name." While Sam tried to confort her and Dean looked slightly taken aback by the fact that Gabriel was indeed the girls father. It was Castiel who took out a paper Emilia remembered darkly. It was one of those where she had tried to write her name on. Her adopted mother had been close to despair that day because while she had gotten her name right at times, some of the things she had written hadn't even looked like they were words. They had been written in a different laguage. "What is that? Thougth you gave us all the stuff you got from her room?" Deans voice caught her attention away from the paper but he had no such luck with Sam who, while a bit nerdy seemed to know exactly why Castiel had gotten it out now "This is going to give us a hint Dean. We are closer to who her mother is with this... I think" "How the... sorry kid, anyway how is a piece of paper with something scribbled all over it gonna help? And sorry kiddo but you don't exactly have a neat hand.." "I'm sorry to disappoint then. I am only seven you know. Not like I had that much experience writing before. That had been my first try." She immediatly defendet herself "Not like your handwriting looks any better and you had years of practice Deano." With that she pointed at a little piece of paper folded on a table nearby. Before Dean could answer Sam stopped him "Dean this isn't something scribbled. Aside from English she wrote her name in two other languages. One of them is Enochian. You should be able to recognise that. The other is Sanskrit I believe?" A nod from Castiel confirmed this so Sam continued "That does bring us a lot closer to Emilias mother Dean. You know Gabriel. He might have been a bit strange but he wasn't entirely insane. I'd guess that this brings us down to suprisingly few beings. Seeing as her mother was probably not human and it is likely that she wasn't any form of demon or supernatural monster, I'd say she is a demi-goddess." "That is insane. I know Gabe played pagan like he actually was one but come on even he couldn't be so stupid? No offense Em. But the world for a kid, any kid did look pretty crappy with the Apocalypse. And if I am rigth Nephilim are hunted by angels, so why should a half pagan half angel be any different. Even he couldn't have hoped no one would ever feel her presence? Come on." "Dean, Sam has a point" Castiel answered calmly, slowly drwoning Deans irritation "it does explain everything. She feels similar to Gabriel. Like a piece of his grace is in her. Not as strong but still. Even the theorie about the pagans is positive likely. She has more power than demons and whatever her powers are they are not evil. She gives of this vibes of a demi-god. Scarecly reconisable but if you know what to look for they are there." Only after all of them had said something Emilia thought it was right to voice her thoughts "I believe you are right again... Please, can you find my mother, can you bring me back to my parents? Please... I just want to go home..." Her voice had faded to the end, because only now did she realise how much she missed her real parents. She knew now why her mother had blocked her memories. She had not wanted her to suffer. It was too late now though, all she wanted was to go home. "About that", Sam said, sitting down next to her and kuddeling her a little, "we will try to find your mum but your father... he is dead." She broke down then. All she had wanted were her parents. He could not be "No he can't... that's impossible... he promised, daddy promised...he has to be alive... he tricked you... I am sure... he tricked you..." She sobbed. She did not want to accept that. There was no way her daddy could be dead. "Sorry kiddo, it is true. No way around it. But I promise to find your mother. And those two here will help me. Nothing is impossible with a giant and an angel alright?" Dean meant well, she could tell but right at that moment even if they would find her mother she needed to cry. She could not accept the death of her father just yet so she continued crying until she fell asleep.

Dean, Castiel and Sam stood at the window, watch the littel girl turn in her sleep. Sam was the first to speak "It isn't fair. She does not deserve this. Whether she is partly angel and pagan..." Dean continued, knowing fully well what his brother was getting at "Yes, I know. At the end of the day she is nothing more than a seven year old girl who wants her parents. Hey Cas? Is there any way Gabriel could have survived? Or is it possible that he was brought back just like you?" The angel closed his eyes fo a moment. When he answered he looked out of the window "It is impossible that he survived. But father might have brought him back. It is not even that unlikely. I do not wish to rise her hopes just to shatter them but I believe Gabriel might be alive." "How?" Dean gasped, unsure even of what the attequate question should be. Castiel answered anyway "You know I got weaker when I fell, rigth. She has grace but she is not connected to heaven in any way. Still her grace does not weaken. Something is strenghening it. And whoever it is is strong, stronger than I am. Far stronger than anything I have ever heard of but pure and angelic none the less."

The moment Dean turned to ask how something could be stronger than Cas when he was an arch-angel, he saw nothing but the couch with Emilia on it. The angel was gone and Sam seemed to have decided to read through some books about gods, writing down names, crossing some of them. Dean looked at Emilia. She migth be powerful, she migth have toasted two demons. But somehow he thougth she shouldn't have to do that. She had been sad and Dean really wanted the annoying trickster-angel to be alive just to make the girl smile again. Because that was what she was. Just a little girl who had lost her parents.

Days later Dean and Sam had gotten used to the little girl hanging around. She was often acting much older than she really was but the boys still dealt with a seven-year old girl. Something they got to realize when she woke up crying the first night after Castiel had left. It had not been the last time though. Emilia would frequently wake up calling out to her parents but she seemed to have gotten rather used to the boys awkward tries to comfort her.

While Dean became something akin to a houswife for he was the one who had a family and knew how to deal with most of the stuff that needed to be done and bought Sam continued his reasearch. Of cause they could just go and talk to all those pagans but the chance of finding even one was ridiculously small. And while Dean had thougth about summoning one of them to get a lead and ask for informations he soon realized that pretty much every summon called for a human sacrifice. Not something he wanted to do anytime soon so it was down to Sam to at least level down the possibilities until they had a reasonable chance at finding at least one of them. Reasonable meaning they knew what to look out for while on an insane gooschase for nothing all around the country. Deans head hurt. How did he get in this mess? Rigth. Cas. Though Dean assumed that while Cas migth just want to help the little girl the angel was more likely hoping to find Gabriel along the way. He was after all Castiel safest bet to stop Raphaels try-out for an other apocalypse. And that was saying a lot. Gabriel had not been nice to Cas after all but Dean was pretty sure that Cas rather had a wild-card than nothing at all. The angel had looked pretty tired the last time he had seen him. Probably because he had a war at hand which should be nothing new if it was not to the fact that now Cas held most of the responsibility.

As Dean looked around he saw Emilia deep in thought. She was sitting on a chair, pencils on the table all around the paper she was currently drawing on. The girl didn't even seem to know what she was drawing she was so spaced out. He moved towards the girl wanting to see what could possibly make her this absent. The moment he looked at the picture it hit him. "Dean..." Sam came into the room, "...I think I know who to search for." "Yeah I'm pretty sure I do as well", was Deans toneless answer. He was shocked by the obviousness of the answer that lay before him on the picture Emilia was still drawing, totally unaware of the two adults now staring at her work. Sam who had taken a look at the picture was now staring at Dean. "That was what I was getting at. There were only about two gogs left. She was the one most likely to be her mother. Emilia must have unconciously remembered her. Now there is only one questions left..." "Exacly. And that is the most tricky part. How do we find her?", Dean answered looking at his brother for a moment. Then he turned around and called out for the one person he was sure would be able to help. If he had time that was. "CAS...!"

"Dean what is going on?", Emilia demanded to know having been forced out of her trance by the mans call. She seemed mildly disturbed by Deans loud voice and thus sounded slightly afraid. The moment Sam wanted to explain Castiels used his voice to make his presence in the room knwon "You called Dean?" It was the first time the angel had appeared without the implication of a highly dangerous heavenly weapon being around but as Dean had already summerised what he thought were Castiels reasons for his interest in Emilia he was quck to answer "We need you help to find someone." "Dean I have more important things to do. If this isn't about her mother..." "No Cas we are searching for Santa Clause. Of cause it is her mother. We think we know who she is. And let me tell you that chick is hard to track down when she doesn't want to be found." Emilia, now totally awoken chimed in "You know who my mum is? Are we going to find her? Why didn't she come here? Can we go there now?" The little girls questions just seemed to continue but while Sam and Dean had gotten used to the imense curiousity of the girl Castiel seemed to be thrown off concept slightly. Sam knelt down in front of the little brown-headed girl "Emilia we are pretty sure we know who your mum is. But it is really hard to find her because she is pretty powerfull. I am not sure why she did not come but there is one thing i am sure of. She loves you so if she did not come for you yet she probably has a really good reason. And just to make sure that everything is alright and we find her Cas over there is here. He will find her and then we are going to visit your mum alright?" Emila nodded her head enthusiastically. She would go home soon. And while the thought of her dad made her sad she could not shake of the feeling of happieness that stuck to her. When she looked up the angel was gone only to appear half an hour later. "I found her." "Alright, lets go then.", Dean answered, "Where is she?" "Not far from here. A little village 50 miles south. There is a house just across the church. She seems to live there." The moment the angel had ended the description Emilia was suddenly gone. The male occupants of the room stared at the place she had been just seconds ago. "Did she just?" "How?" "Impossible."

Not one of them had expected Emilia to be able to fly or teleport for a lack of a better word. Especially not to a place she did not even know. Sam and Dean had seen her abilities at times. Like when she had lighted a candle or caught a vase while it was falling without touching it. But those had happened while Emilia had not been paying attention. She had not reaclled that she had used her powers. So when Cas said "It is impossible that she was able to do this on her own. She could not control something like this." The boys both thougth that maybe this girl was a hell lot more powerfull than they had previously thougth was possible. When Cas brougth them to the house he had spoken of earlier their assumption was confirmed as they found Emilia standing only a few feet away looking totally suprised and in awe at the same time. The way he looked made it impossible to believe that she did this all by herself. When all of them decided it was time to show Emilia her mother the girl suddenly became shy and hid behind Sams tall frame. Shortl after Dean rang the sligthly strange trio, with Emilia still behind Sam, was mustered by a dark-skinned woman wearing a black blouse and a knee-lengh black skirt. Dean thougth it to be best to speak up in order to declare peace "Ah Kali, funny seeing you here...", he trailed of, only to see that the attention the goodess had graced him with just moments before had wandered to Sam. Or more precisely to Sams legs where Emilias head was beginnng to show. As Dean looked at the goddess face again he saw how it fell in suprise and an emotion he was not sure he could classify but assumed that it was joy. After a short moment Emilia dumped the protection Sam was offering and flung herself at Kali. All fear, shieness and desperation had vanished from the little girls frame as she was secure in the arms of her mother who, for the moment had her eyes closed and looked awfully vulnerable and human. But just as soon as the moment had come it was gone again and while Emilia did not seem to want to let go of her mother just yet the pagan had collected herself and asked the three men to come inside. Which considering that they had babysitted her daughter and hoped to find information on Gabriel, all of them did.

The house was cozy, not at all how the boys had expected it to be. But looking at the pagan, still holding her child and looking just like every other houswife and mother Dean thought that maybe it was exactly how it should be. Looking around in the room they had been let to he saw a big white L-shaped couch turned into the direction of a window front which showed a little garden. In front of the couch sat a small mahagonny table. A white fluffy carpete lay beneath the couch on the ligth wood floor and streched to the window on the one side and nearly to a fireplace on the open side. The part of the room facing the street was filled with mahagonny bookcases, two ligth-coloured armchairs and a place for Emilias toys. All in all Dean had to admit that he was impressed. And by the look of Sams face it was safe to say that his brother was at least as impressed. Even Cas looked suprised by the ligth furnishing. Only when all of them were seated adn had something to drink Emilia got some of her toys and played in front of the window. Nobody knew what to say so the silence which had settled was undisturbed aside from Emilias playing. Dean used this time to watch the little girl. She sure had a lot from Gabriel which was suprising, he thought, seeing as she looked a lot like a vessle. He had expected that if angels ever had children they would either have to have a vessle themself or at least they would look like their more human parent. Well he was wrong. Moving his attention from the daughter to the mother he was again suprised how soft Kalis features were. Her entire attention was focused on Emilia and she seemed nearly totally relaxed and possibly even happy. It was hard for Dean to read her though. Only when the Emilia suddenly held a chocolate bar in her hand he could see a rapid change in her mothers face. For a short moment he had seen the goddess look pained, then the smile that had graced her lips before returned, alas somehow sad. Dean wanted to get over with this then, he could not handle an emotional goddess. Getting no help from his two companions he started the conversation himself "So any chance on telling us who she is and how you lost her?" Kali closed her eyes for a moment "She is my daughter. Mine and Gabriels." She ended that statement with a meaningfull look into Castiels direction. While Dean would have liked some seconds to let that statement sink in, even though they had assumed it, Kali continued "We did not loose her. She lived with me. Gabriel was around but I am sure he told you that we weren't that close anymore. Not always anyhow but he made sure that Emilia was alrigth. So when Lucifer emerged from his cage Gabriel disappeared, saying it was safer this way. I did not see him until shortly before the Elisian Fields desaster. I wanted him there, needed to see if he would help and stand up to his brother. He did not know at that time that I knew who he really was. Before I went to the hotel I asked him to bring Emilia somewhere safe." Her eyes strayed to the little girl playing totally oblivious of the conversation the adults had "He said he would take her to people who could get help in a short amount of time. Said they were safe. I blocked her memory that nigth before he brougth her away. I did not wish for her to remember us if we did not come back. You know how that ended. I had no idea where she was." Her eyes still lingered on the girl but something had changed, the melancholy that had been there moments before now was replaced with a look Dean knew too well. Regret. And possibly anger. "Was there no way for you to find her?" Sams voice cut through the silene that had once again reached the quartett. "I could have. But I wasn't sure..." While she trailed off Cas decided to talk for the first time. And to Deans suprise his angels voice was more that a little sharp "How could you not be sure? She is Gabriels child. How could you leave her out there without knowing. She is my brothers child. She should not exist but she is all that is left of him. How COULD you." While the angel did not scream he certainly sat straighter, his blue eyes ablazed in a passion for the brother that had annoyed them to no end. A passion Dean had not seen in the eyes of the angel for a long time.

The words obviously hit. Hard. Kali looked like she had been slapped. She looked downrigth beaten, going as far as cowering a little. And for a short second Dean wondered if that had been to much but Kalis defeated posture soon vanished. It's place took one of anger, mimiced on her face and voice. "You dare to speak that way angel? You never have loved, am I right. Your loss of Gabriel is entirely different than mine. I loved him. You, all of your kind. You say he was your brother. How come none ever searched for him?" Castiels mouth opened but Kalis look, even angrier than moments before let him to shut his mouth again. It was time for him to cower. If only a little. He was an angel of the lord after all. "Do not dare to say that you did. If any of the higher ups had cared they would have found him. I was able to tell what he was. I am sure you could have gotten through to him someway. But neither of you ever did. All you angels ever thought about was what would Daddy do? What do we do with Lucifer? How can we get Michael his perfect vessle. Do not dare to tell me I sould have looked for her. I wish I could have. But I was not sure whether I would have been able to look at her. I failed Gabriel. I failed her. And what would it have helped her if her mother broke down in front of her?" While most of this was spoken with hatred and anger the strong emotions had left Kali by the end of her little rant. Her voice was soft then and while the goddess had left her three visitors speachless she herself seemed sligthy confused. She let her head fall into her hands and looked defeated once more. After a brief silence, Dean thougth they were too good at not saying anything when so much was still left unsaid, the goddess stood up and moved to the fireplace, softly touching the frame of the lone picture that hung above it. A family picture which spotted Kali and Emilia sleeping with their heads in Gabriels lap. The arch smiled softly at them. It was probably Gabriel who had taken the picture and it looked so beautiful Dean wasn not sure he could bear it. "I am sorry. " Dean was thankfull for Castiel interrupting his thougths. By the look of it both Sam, who had been extremly quiet the whole time, and Kali shared his sentiment.

Emilia, having stopped her playtime to look at her mother, accted as a better destraction. She moved over to Kali, tugged at the hand that did not touch the picture until Kali lifted her up, nuzzled her mothers neck and her tired voice spoke the sentence that Dean had dreaded to hear "Mum, can you find Daddy now?" Kali kissed her daughter's head and Dean was suprised to find that she seemed to take this question better than he had anticipated. Sams body was rigid and Cas seemed to dread the answer of the mother more than even Dean did but all seemed to be unnecessary "Do not worry Milia. I will find him. I am sure that he is somewhere around. You know him, always popping up unannounced. But now it is time for you to sleep." And to all of their suprise even before Kali sat down on the couch again the girl had nodded off. Finding his irritation of her answer mirrored on the faces of his brother and angel Dean wanted to question Kalis decleration only to be stopped by the now tired and heavy accented voice of the goddess "You are loved by god indeed my little one. Gabriel knew what he did when he named you." Then her eyes moved up to look at Sam as though she had felt his need to question her. He did just that "Find him? But you said he was dead." "Gabriel died. There is no way that he is alive. I would know." Castiels voice chimed in. And Dean was never one to be left out "How can you tell her that? Is there any way he could be alive?"

Kali sighed and it sounded out of character but still somehow like something she had done far too much within the last months. And really considering all Dean had seen within the last hour, a pagan with a child, a family portrait, a real, non-creepy house, he wondered whether any of this was really out of character or just a part of her that neither them nor most gods had seen of Kali up until now. She carefully, as not to wake Emilia up, placed the girl onto some cushions and draped a blanked over her. Only then did she stand up and moved to the back of the room, retrieving a piece of paper that sat on one of the chairs. When she came back she held it out towards Sam. The second item she gave to Cas. It was a feather, not like the ones Dean had seen, but a small white feather that seemed to glow from the inside, radiating soft waves of light when moved. Sam read the text on the piece of paper "_See you around, gotta help my little bro a bit, kick some asses and make sure that everything goes back where it belongs. Later xxx_, this sounds like..." "It's a feather of Gabriel." Castiel declared with his gruff voice, sounding slightly awed. Dean looked at Kali. This was getting ridiculus. If she had know this then... Why the hell did she say nothing at all. He didn't even know how to voice his frustration with the situation at hand "It was on the table this morning. I was as suprised as you are now. I still am, I think. It is why I had planned to search for Emilia." With that she gestured towards a small and up until now ignored backpack that was standing close to the open doorway, filled with what Dean assumed to be clothes. At least this brougth things into a little more perspective. She hadn't known up until this very day. Still Dean was mad. In the short amount of time he had been around the little half-angel he had grown quite fond of her. How was it that Kali had not had it in her to search for her daughter earlier. Cas seemed to have read his mind because the angel softly laid a hand on his shoulder to stop him. It suprised Dean for a moment but then he realized that if the angel could read him this well and gauge his reactions this precise it was a fair bet he had some idea on what was going on in Kali. So instead of Dean it was Sam who talked next while Kali ignored the closeness between the angel and the Winchester "Can we help? I am pretty sure that we could find him. We always seem to end up stumbling over him. Hey Cas, any idea what he could be doing?" "I do not know but the message says he will be around angels. Possibly fighting. It is likely that I will hear from him sooner or later. It sounds like he will be searching the stolen weapons." Dean continued this thought "So if we search for the weapons we will probably find Gabe in the process. Nice. So all we gotta do is find some heavenly, extremly deadly toys while making sure that big bro Raphael doesn't kill us and we get Gabe? Nothing that can't be done, rigth guys? So Cas what do you say about a little help with retrieving your weapon arsenal?" Kali looked at them for a long time, having detected Deans insecurity about getting this done, but also hopefull that it would help. "Are you going to do this?" "Cas?" "It is possible that we find him. You may help, especially because it is hard to track all of them down. Now many among them leave an obvious trail like the last one." The angels answer let the Winchesters nod. Nothing like a good old chase for the well known needle...

It was late and the boys did not want to bother the pagan more so they decided to drive to a hotel close by. Possibly they were a little afraid of what dinner would be as well. The eye-soup was an image neither of them had been able to let go of. When they went out Kali gave them her number. "I migth be able to help", she had said with a small smile, "don't underestimate the pagan network. If I hear anything helpfull I will call. And thank you,this way I can take care of Emilia"

In the car the boys let out a collective sigh. Brougth the kid home and now they were searching for heavens weapons to help Cas and find Gabe. Well they had done more impossible things so with a little luck it should be no problem. The one thing that still bothered Dean was asked shortly after they left the village "Hey Cas, the feather? Thougth angel feathers were more like ashen. How come Gabes is this, don't know, radiating? Aren't your wings all the same?" Cas looked as though he had wondered the same thing since he had seen the feather. "I have no idea. It is as though it is made of pure grace, protecting the house. But not even Michael would have been able to do something like that." "So Gabe is like an over-angel now? Cool, that will make your civil war a lot shorter when we found him." "Hope we get this done soon. If we are lucky we will find him soon and put an end to this crap that is going on." Sam said, staring out of the window. When Dean looked into the rear-mirror Castiel was gone. They drove past a diner where a lone man stood.

Out into the nigth.

The man, wearing a dark leather coat, jeans and a woollen cap turned around when they drove by. His mouth, the only thing in the ligth was set into a thin wry smile.

_And when are you ever lucky? _

A boy about 19 stepping out of the diner looked at the man. "You said something man?" "Na just talking to myself. You see I do that at times, planning the route to take." The boy looked at him with doubt in his eyes but eventually turned and went to his car, driving away. When all was quiet again the man wandered off along the road into the darkness. When the diner was only a small flicker of light at the end of his vision the man looked up. His eyes scanned the stars as if searching for answers. In the darkness they looked like pools of nothingness. After he found what he had been looking for he continued walking. A new bitter smile adoning his features and giving him a look of a soldier about to do something his boss forced him to do.

_Yes, that's what I thought. You better move your ass back home though._

In the blink of an eye the man was gone, all that was left was the nightysky and a soft breeze telling of the stranger that had been there mere moments ago.


	4. Back in Black

She opened her eyes only to see nothing. Well probably more than nothing but it was dark. Certainly betten than hell though. The room she was in looked like a cellar. Cold, wet and adonned with spider-webs. It looked like none had been around for some time. Finding a narrow dusty window she opened it letting in fresh air and a little of the moonlight that made the garden outside glow in an eerie light. Searching for a door she instead found that she was not alone. Two more people were there, tangled in each others limbs, holding on. The woman, a blonde many would describe as beautiful lent against the wall holding her companion, an older man, in her arms. While he looked beaten and was unconscious the woman looked less bad. She eyed her waryly from her sitting position. Not threatening but curious. With a start she realised that she knew who those people were. She had heard stories about them everywhere, in hell, on earth and in purgatory. They were Mary and John Winchester. Tough luck. So hell spit them out just at the same time she got thrown out of afterlife. That was either irony or something really messed up was going on.

"What is going on?", the voice sonded weary, rough, pained. But that was no suprise, in hell you didn't really talk that much. Sure you did have time to do so but screaming due to torture did not increase the possibility of a smooth voice.

She turned to look outside again "We got out of our afterlifes. No idea how." Silence reigned the room once more until the blonde shifter a little and broke the silence "Who are you? Have you been down there as well?" A sigh escaped her lips while a cloud cast a shaddow over the moon. Only when it had passed and Mary had moved next to her she answered "I have been there and I am sorry. Neither of you should have had to bear it. But it is not where I come from now. I came here from purgatory. My name..." she trailed off, remembering how much pain she had brought to those close to her. Most of it had not been her fault but still she felt guilty. Pushed by angels and demons to corrupt a pour and innocent soul had not been fair. But his death would not have been either.

While she continued thinking Mary had organized her thoughts, wrapping her mind around purgatory and how the girl she saw in front of her got there and how said girl had yet to answer one of her questions. "Who and what are you? As far as I gathered down there only dead supernatural beings go to purgatory when they die." An uncertainty overcame Mary after she had voiced her thoughts. How was she supposed to react if this thing was evil? She had nothing to defend herself. The girl turned towards her and only then did Mary see the stark contrast between the girls dark, wavy hair, brown eyes and pale skin. She looked like a princess from a fairytale in the moonlight. But that look lasted for mere seconds, then the girls eyes turned pitch-black and her voice, grave and bitter, cut through the peaceful picure "I am Ruby, I was a witch when I was human. Afterwards I became a demon. I made many mistakes but I tried to be good and I will continue doing so. I know who you are so I don't expect any mercy though.", with that said the demon, Ruby blinked, her eyes returned to their original colour and Mary was frozen next to a demon without any intention to exorcise her. She had no idea why but something in the darkness that had been the girls eyes, emotions of a strengh unknown to be possesed by a demon, had shone through. She could not help but wonder whether there was more the girl regretted than just being a witch. And girl, really, why did se continue to lable this being a girl? Ruby was not human nor did Mary know whether the former witch wasn't actually older than she was?

Uncertain as she was she went back to John. He looked so different now. But then they both had had enough time get used to each other again. The demons had held them close to eachother, inflicting pain through hurting their partner. It had been cruel but at time the two of them could talk. They had used this precious time to rebuild their realationship, to talk about their sons. The hardest had been to talk about hunting, to hear that her sons were hunters. She and John had an argument about that. More than one but in the end when you are in hell all that mattered was that the boys were alive.

Checking on her husband she realized that while he was beaten up pretty bad he most probably would be fine. Carefully moving some hair from his face she stood again, searching for a door. Mary moved along the wall for the light was still not bright enough to eluminate even half of the room. When she was at the far end she found what she had been searching for but that was about all the luck she seemed to have for now. The door was locked and as strange as it seemed she had no idea what to do. Turning her back in the irritating door she eyed the room from her new position. Neither of the other occupants had moved. John still laid on the floor, Ruby still stood by the window her face illuminated by the moon looking sad. It was then that it really sunk in. Mary was sitting in a cellar with her husband unconsiousness and a demon at the only possible way out. And she had yet to exorzise said demon.

Staring at the moon she wondered whether there was any justice. Death had not been bad, far from it actually. But hello, why should she have the luxury of staying dead? Her own sarcasm had brought her to the question she was not sure she even wanted an answer to. Why would someone bring her back? John and Mary? They were great hunters and the boys deserved to get their family back. But she? Even if someone cared that all that happened had initially not been her fault there was still no reason for her to be here. Well tough luck she was back and she would find out why. With new determination she turned around to the direction she felt Mary stand and locked eyes with the woman who seemed suprised by her change in attitude. "Grab your man we're out of here", she said in a calm voice nearly commanding the blonde to listen. When Mary was at Johns side Ruby had all but kicked open the door with a mere flicker of her hand and was standing on the doorstep waiting for the other two. Only when Mary was at her side did Ruby help, taking the major part of Johns' weight on her shoulders and dragging the man out into the night.

It was suprisingly cold outside and once Mary stopped taking in the beauty that was life and breathing in the cool and soothing night air she was suprised to find Ruby standing next to a van, seemingly waiting with an impatient look on her face. John who obviously had been knocked out good had already been put inside the car. The shock of the demons moves was fast covered and Mary went over sitting shotgun. Only when Ruby failed to turn on the car but instead dared to speak and thus breaking the silence both women found precious and unbearable at the same time did Mary feel the need to react "where do you want to go?". Mary jerked her head around. She had somehow expected that the demon she impossibly seemed not to distrust had a plan. With an uncertain voice she answered "I'm not sure. Maybe... John talked of a friend my sons might know. I wish to find them. And I believe John needs to be checked. He still hasn't woken up."

"Bobbys' it is then.", the demoness uttered silently so that Mary wasn't sure she had even heard it. What Ruby said next though caught Marys full attention. "Your husband will wake up sooner or later. It is his way of coping with hell. You shouldn't worry." Before Mary could question the words Ruby had started the car and drove down a highway seemingly knowing exactly where to go. Mary wondered whether she did indeed know for she had no idea of the abilities of this demon, especially if she had been a witch before.

"Like what you see?", Mary had not realized she had been staring. What she had realized though was that what had been posed as a question had not been one. The dry tone and the irritated look on the bruntettes face told her that much. "Ah sorry. I was just wondering..." she trailed of but took the silence from the seat next to her as an encouragement to continue, "what is it that you regret?" The sudden tenseness that shot through Rubys body was nothing Mary could miss and she asked herself just how bad it had been. "I can't tell you. You would hear only parts of the story. You wouldn't understand." "But... I need to know!", she felt vulnerable all of sudden. Not only because this declaration made her unsure of her and Johns safety but somehow she wanted the girl (and here it was again. Girl, really?) to trust her. She could not explain why but something in her wanted no needed to know. She needed to understand the regret she had seen, needed to understand how a demon could have emotions, why she seemed helpful, why she had been brought back. And more than that she wanted to trust. Trust someone aside from John.

When Ruby raised her voice Mary wondered if she had sounded as desperate as she had felt for the demoness sounded somehow soothing rather than matter of fact even though most of what she had said had been either annoyed or matter of fact. "I can show you if you wish. But for that you would have to trust me. The only place you can see my memories are your dreams."

Mary breathed in and out. That was hard. She wanted to trust but the only way to trust the demon was to give herself to her. What was she supposed to do? John, her whole family would protest but she had to take the chance "Alright." Before she even knew it she heard Ruby silently chant in latin. Then she fell asleep.

_A muddy city, children are crying. The stench of death hits her nose. _

_A petite blonde girl tucks at the hand of her older sister. The dark hair of the taller girl falls into her face when she bends down to pick the little creature up, the little one who looks sick. Bars with people who died due to the plague were carried past. The younger girl began to scream, reached out to the dead. They were her parents. The older girl just closed her eyes. It wasn't fair. When she opened them again they were detemined. _

_The same girls from before mere years later. The blonde look__ed better though. Mary could have sworn she had had the plague in the vision before. She still held onto the hand of her older sister. Unlike the blonde who had only grown and barley set aside her childish face the older girl had changed drastically. Her eyes were darker her face held a grave look. Her posture more regal. She seemed entirely different thoug the moment she looked at her sister one could see the girl from before in her eyes. When a woman was brought in front of the mass the croud around them cheered. "A witch!" "Burn her!" And they did. And as they did the little girl watched in fear and the older one with regret. They seemed to know the woman. _

_The blonde looked defeated. "She was no bad woman. Why did they kill her?"_

"_Because they don't understand what she did for them." _

"_What about you?"_

"_They will catch me eventually." A pessimistic answer. But there was no fear._

"_But..." "No. You will live you life. I have chosen to do this. You are my sister. You are all that I treasure." _

"_You saved them as well." _

"_They won't care. It doesn't matter. Just remember I love you."_

_The older sister was to burn at the stake. She stood calm. Her eyes were closed. She was praying for them all. Her little sister was among the crowd. She was crying. Next to her was a boy holding her. She was pregnant. _

_The girl was screaming, tortured by Allistair. Lilith was watching. The girl had been among the witches that had sold her soul and yet had might be useful. She might be a loose canon. But she would find a way to control that one. She had had great potential as a witch._

_The girl had become a demon. She was posessing a blonde, stalking a boy that Mary knew to be Sam. The demoness herself was watched by Lilith. She smiled. The one thing she needed to do and it would be so easy. The demoness had a weakness. _

_Lilith had banned Ruby back into hell. She was torturing her. She was pushing her, making her say the words. "I will work for you." Still there was a glint in her eyes. One that told Lilith and Mary that she would protect Sam no matter what._

_An angel stood before her. Another one stood beside the bed which was occupied by a sleeping Sam. He held his knive at the boy-kings throat. She was defeated. Not by the demons but by angels. Their prophethy was to become reality. She would do everything so that Sam would open the gate to Lucifers cage. Not that Azazel hadn't already pulled her strings. They hadn't been the first. But they had been even worse than Azazel. If that was possible._

_The angels were gone. She sat at Sams side. "I will protect you." She moved to the window. "No matter what. No matter from whom." With that a bloodspell was spoken. A small light formed in her hand. She placed it over Sams heart._

_Lucifers cage opened. She laid on the floor. Dead. When light illuminated the room and the boys could not flee a small light began to glow and the boys sat in a plane. _

Mary awoke with a start. She looked around trying to remember where she was. When she saw the suddenly extremly familiar face of Ruby next to her, the demoness still driving she remembered. Looking in the back of the car she found John still asleep.

"Your sister... those people... you safed them. Why did they? And Sam?" She did not know what to ask first. Some minutes of silence followed but the one who broke them was not Ruby, rather it was John who groaned. He had woken up "Where... Mary?" His confused eyes caught those of his wife. "It's alright. We are alive and on our way to the boys." He seemed to breathe then. Only to stare intently at the driver of their car. His instincts told him that something was wrong. This was not a human. "Who is that?" "A... friend. She is helping us out with finding Sam and Dean." Even though the answer had been hesitant Mary sounded sure so John did not question her. What he had not seen was a suprised look on Rubys face. One that soon turned into a silent chuckle. Mary merely raised a brow. "You are. I know you now." So they drove.

"We are here."

The car stood in front of Bobbys house. John, though confused how the stranger seemed to know this place immediately went out of the car and to the door. Mary followed and saw how John got splashed with holy water. It made her chuckle. It felt good to see something normal again. Well as normal as things with hunters would ever be. After having proven their humanity they were hugged.

"How did you get here?", the elderly hunter questioned. Mary turned around thinking she would see Ruby. But all that was there was the lone car. "We had help." Was all she said. She had a feeling that Ruby would not be on Bobbys friends list. Not if all of what she had seen had been true. And of that she was rather certain. The words that had been spoke had been words she had known, had read before in the book of a witch. It had been a spell designed by witches to prove their loyality. It showed the other person their soul. They were unable to keep any secrets.

When John touched her shoulder she was pulled from her thoughts. The trio went inside, they had much to talk about after all.


	5. The house at the end of the road

I still own nothing but the increasingly insane storyline that will only slowly develop into a real Sam/Ruby fanfic because everything else would be too soon. Thanks for your comments. Whoever finds any mistakes (and I suspect there might be some) can keep them.

Hope you enjoy. Reviews are loved (and equel a small preview of the next chapter).

She was walking on a deserted street with no idea where she was going. Letting her eyes wander she saw a small village to her right and a forest to her left. Not much was going on here she thought. But then she didn't expect to land anywhere remotly close to society. When she had brought the Winchesters to Bobby she had known that she shouldn't be there. So she had bailed. She had seen them, like a family standing there. It wasn't the first time she had felt left out, far be it from that, but this time she knew she would have to pay if she had stayed. So here she was, walking a lone road with no plan at all. Still there was hope. She hoped for something though she was not sure for what.

Walking further until it was dark she found a small abandoned house. A place to sleep at least. When nearly an hour later she had made sure that none would find her there she fell on the bed in the second floor and wished to fall asleep. But there was no way her thoughts would stop it seemed. He brain did nothing to ease her into anything akin to sleep. All she could think about were her mistakes, the story she had shown Mary and the wounds it had reopened. It had been so long since she had thought about her sister but what could she do? And really she wondered what Mary would do with her knowledge. Or if she had said anything to Bobby. Probably not, she had looked far to happy with her husband standing at Bobbys porch. She had no right to disturb this peace but yet a part of her wanted to. If only to follow them. To see if the boys were alright. To see Sam. But there were consequences she was not ready to face as of now. It was impossible to see him without wanting to get close. But she would ruin him again. It was what she always did.  
Hours later she still did not sleep but rather stared at the ceiling trying to figure out how she was supposed to deal with all of this. Yeah so there probably was a plan. To bad she didn't catch the meno as to what it was. Great another mistery. Fucking perfect as always.

_Standing by the window  
Eyes upon the moon  
Hoping that the memory will leave her spirit soon  
She shuts the doors and lights  
And lays her body on the bed  
Where images and words are running deep  
She has too much pride to pull the sheets above her head  
So quietly she lays and waits for sleep_

She woke up screaming.  
'What had that been?' she wondered. Memories of her afterlife had come to her, things she had forgotten. So the angel hadn't lied when he had said that she would come back but damn it had the whole drama really been necessary? She closed her eyes, thanking God or whoever was in charge of fortune for the fact that the house was in the woods. Otherwise people would have come to check on her by now. The way she had been screaming had probably been far from normal. Or from what people would identify as normal anyway.  
What was she supposed to do know... If she was lucky Mary had explained everything to Bobby and John but she couldn't be sure. The three of them had a lot of catching up to do. She knew that searching for Sam and Dean was no option either. Or rather it was one if she wanted to die. Again. Which, no thank you, she really didn't want to do in the near future or preferably ever again. So she decided on the easiest thing to do. Actually see the house she was in. A little daylight-tour wouldn't be half as bad.  
And she was right as she found out. The house thoug pretty run-down had two floors with each six rooms, a porch, a overgrown garden and a cellar. Most windows, though dusty, were still whole and with a little work would look like new. The door was still intact as was the staircase. The big livingroom had a fireplace which kind of made up for the fact that there was no way she could heat this house. Sure she didn't need it but a little comfort couldn't hurt if she planned to stay. And she did. After all where did she have to go? And this place was as good as anyny, if not better for it's sulitude. The only thing that kept people from living there was probably the sole reason she really loved it. Isolation worked for her. She could more or less go wherever she wanted if need but otherwise could just be a witch or come back from a hunt without having to worry that people started wondering about her. Far from the small village she had seen on her way here, out in the wood with nothing for protection and she was pretty sure that none other than an occasional hunter came by. Not that she hoped to meet one of them anytime soon. Not enough to take chances but charmes were easiely made.  
She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of old wood and leather. Damn this might be stupid but the easiest way to continue going on was to help someone. And having a homebase might not be the worst idea ever. Quite frankly this place was better than most she had stayed in. Some little renovations and she would be fine. 

_Live another day  
Climb a little higher  
Find another reason to stay  
Ashes in your hands  
Mercy in your eyes  
If you're searching for a silent sky  
_  
A week later the place looked a lot better. The windows were clean and the garden was less overgrown. A rather big patch with different herbs suggested that someone had not only cleaned the house but was living there as well. Most of the rooms were still pretty much left alone but the bath, kitchen and the livingroom were as modern as she had felt fit. And admittedly there was a big closet with new clothes. A womans got to have some clothes after all. One of the perks of being a demon. You could move in without anyone noticing. No way she would pay rent for this.

Days later, she was sitting in front of far too many books searching for a spell that would help her to at least keep track of the boys. Her eyes had blackened over the course of time showing what she really was. Not that she cared, it was easier to read this way and quite frankly she did use a little witchcraft in order to stay seated while changing from one book to another. What use were the knowledge and the powers she had if she didn't use them. Not like she could be seriously punished for doing this. What would they do? Take her soul? A little too late for that, sorry.  
Outside a soft breeze blew past ruffling some leaves when suddenly a man appeared in front of the house. He was neither small nor extremly build but the way his brown hair fell over his brows and the easieness with which he wore a brown leather jacket, a jeans and an old European sword on his belt made him look dangerous.

"Hi Ruby, how's life going?", her head jerked up. Nobody should be there. Especially none who knew her name. But when she cought sight of the stranger she relaxed again. "Damn angel-boy what the hell? What are you doing here?" The strangers face split into a grin, if only for a second. "Dad sent me. There are places I would rather be and things I would rather do but as you see I'm here. And before you ask. I am not here to check up on you. I need help." Her brows shot up at that. He hadn't looked as though he needed help but then if she remembered correctly, even in her afterlife she had not been able to read him. His accuracy at reading her was a little unnerving but what was she to do about that? "My help, really Gabriel? What can I do for you?" Yes her sarcasm still worked. Check on that. Not that she would deny the angel she had grown to like him over the course of their last talk. "The boys are doing something stupid. Heaven's in an uproar and my idiot-brother Raphael wants to re-start the Apocallypse so someone has to stop him. Problem being Castiel is the one who is supposed to do that. And who else is there to help him but our very own trouble-makers? So they are searching for some stolen heavenly weapons", at that he touched the sword at his side,"so Raph can't win. Boy is stronger than Cassy. And not just a little bit. Anyway I am not going to kill another brother but obviously Raph needs to be stopped. And I can't find the Winchesters. So how about the two of us go on a little trip around the world? Witch-magic and angel-mojo and we should be able to locate more weapons rather soon. And keep an eye on the boys. You know..." She chuckled at that, because really, an angel and a demon on a treasure hunt while watching out for the boys? As if that was going to work out. But, she decided, she should give it a chance. After all what did she have to loose. "Take a room angel-boy we are returning here as often as we can. Easier to do a little magic when all my stuff is at one place. And make sure I don't get killed if we run into them." The ange only grinned at that and snapped his finger. Damn those angels. Another snap totally broke her concentration as she was suddenly out of her tracksuit and instead wearing jeans, black leather boots, a black top and a black leather jacket. She could feel knives in the jacket and boots and at least one of them was able to kill demons. She could feel it through the clothes. A smirk spread on her face as she stood. Acceleration was pretty much all she was feeling. The angel mimicked her smirk though on his face it had the slightly bitter qualitly she had seen before. His eyes held an amount of determination she wasn't sure was even possible. "Let's get this party started witchy." And with that the two of them were gone. 

They appeared on a cliff in what Ruby assumed was Ireland. "So while you are going to drag me all over the world, mind explaining why I came back and why I ended up in the same room as Mary and John Winchester did?", the question was asked conversationally but the angel heard the seriousness in her voice without a problem. A crooked smile was cast her way before her companion decided to answer. "I got no idea. Didn't even know the family got bigger. You managed to survive that?" His answer made her wonder but she let the easieness with wich Gabriel had ignored the fact that he had no idea slide. Instead she choose to answer, "Yeah. Probably only because it was only Mary who had been awaken. I have reason to believe she is more agreeable than her husband. I showed her bits of the story. It was enough I guess. I am here after all. Wherever this is."  
They wandered in silence for a while. Neither speaking and even though both of them were not exactly known for being quiet it seemed fitting as they were both deep in thought. Though even that, some might say, was out of character. As they moved on, or rather Gabriel walked with a certain determination and Ruby followed without any idea of where they were heading a thought came to her mind. "Hey angel, what about your girl? Have you seen her?" To her surprise the face of the angel darkened and he took time to answer. "Yes and no. I had wanted to check on my daughter. Don't ask. Long story. Anyway my daughter was somewhere safe for the time being as I didn't expect to die. Kali didn't know where. Obviously she ended up with the Winchesters who brought her to her mother. I watched but I can't go back until I made sure that everything is peaceful again. They would be in danger."  
Certainly a surprise. Still she decided that what the angel hadn't told her up until now was not going to be a problem. She was here now and all that mattered was what she knew or had to know. Which come to think of it might include some of the things Gabriel had jet to tell her but whatever. So he was afraid for his little family. Great this would be one hell of a trip. Still the love that had shone through somehow calmed her down. There was no way this would end bad if the sole angel who had more emotions than most humans was send back to safe the world. "They are safe for now I take it. Good. So proud daddy what's the name of the brat?", she couldn't help but tease. Damn this angel for making her like him. "Emilia." And with that she held a picture of a small girl in her hand. "By the way we are close."  
Ruby looked around. They were nowhere. Soft hillsides. Green. Some stones. Nothing else.  
"Seriously?" "Ever heard of hiding in plain sight? This is even more genius than the way I have been hiding." With that said he stepped foreward, grabbed her hand and brought it in contact with one of the stones. She hissed when it became warm. A light emitted from it until all of sudden she held a bow with enochian sigils all over it.  
"How could they not find it?", she couldn't help but ask. The answer came rather prompt. "They never bothered searching for it. I brought it here when I ran so it wasn't among the stuff recently stolen. And I am pretty sure they couldn't use it anyway. Might be a celestial weapon but for us angels it only works to kill demons and pretty much everything that is not an angel. If someone else uses it though... Let's just say everyone gets a different reaction from it. I tried it with humans. The normal ones could block attacks when they fired. Witches can actually summon ghosts for either protection or attack with it. Pretty awesome. And I've seen a demon using it once. It can hurt angels that way. Not kill but hurt."  
"Why...", she was surprised by his sudden need to tell her this much about the weapon until she realised why. She was a demon and a witch. If she could use it she could help far more than anticipated. Still one thing bothered her, "How does this work?" "Ah sorry I totally forgot. It essentially uses the essence of your soul. No worry, you won't loose any part of it while shooting. It's more like a replica. It mirrors a part of your soul. Which is why you can't choose the ghost that you will summon. Anyway now that you have a weapon that can kick ass how about we go to that house of yours, redecorate and actually start on finding the real stuff?" She chuckled while he grinned a nearly amused smile. Yes they certainly were a force people should be afraid of. Mad and entirely aware of it. And on their way to safe the world and bring peace. How screwed up was that? "Let's get going then." And while he snapped his fingers again she swore she could hear him hum the melodie of Mission Impossible. "We have to work on your idea of music", she muttered. And with that they were gone. Only the air was filled with the sound of her voice.

Days later the house was glowing in the soft sunlight. It now looked perfect and new. Not one single spot was marred in it's perfection and even the agrden seemed as if it had been trimmed just moment ago. Red and golden leaves were falling and on the porch of the house sat Gabriel. Eyes closed, sword leaning on the wall. He was the perfect image of calmness. Still it seemed as if no leave not even the wind dared to touch him while he was deep in thought. The peaceful setting was disturbed when Ruby opened the door wearing her usual combat-clothes, hait up in a ponytail and holding a map spotting different red crosses.

"You found something?", was the only sign of being alive the angel gave. She stretched her arms above her head and just nodded, knowing Gabriel could sense her. "So how's your family doing?" "Alive and searching. Luckyly we are both good at flying under the radar. Kali would have spotted us if we had slipped just a little." Again she only nodded, aknowledging the fact that they couldn't make any mistakes. It was crucial for their plan to keep a low profile until they had enough of the relicts to survive an enounter with Raphael and his followers unscatched. If they wanted things to work out there was no way they could make mistakes. So Kali had to stay unaware of their presence even though she would be a valuable asset. Her being in danger would mean Emilia would not be safe either and Gabriel could not be distracted by either of his girls. The Winchesters were always a loose canon but they would be kept in the dark as much as possible as well. No use riscing Rubys concentration or life. And it really wouldn't do to be found by Castiel. Not now anyway. She sighed. Damn this was annoying and there were always the older Winchesters and Bobby who could turn up unexpectetly. There was no way this could be easy. No fucking way. But then that wasn't exactly a surprise. What did she expect?

Gabriel stood, took his sword and smirked "Of we go witchy, let's get going. "

From inside the house the last lines of a CD Ruby had listened to could be heard while with the soft sound of wings the strange duo had disappeared.

_Give a cheer,  
For all the broken.  
Listen here,  
because it's who we are.  
I'm just a man,  
I'm not a hero.  
Just a boy,  
Who want to sing his song.  
Just a man,  
I'm not a hero.  
I - Don't – Care. _

_To Carry on, We'll carry on _


	6. Wind of Change

Another chapter. Hope you enjoy. All mistakes can be kept by the finder. It will be the last one for at least a month due to some university-stuff. Have fun and please review.

They were on the road again and it wasn't supposed to feel like this. They were back to the usual business and everything was as normal as it would get. Could get, really. Lisa and Ben were at home, they were alright with him again. Sam sat next to him in the Impala, the music was good and they had a mission. Cas checked on them every few days and at times Kali called. So yes maybe things were different – maybe even for them it wasn't normal to search for weapons and an angel – maybe being phoned by a goddess telling them news, being their home-base or whatever was far from normal for an hunter – and possibly it has been a long time since Cas had been a regular visitor but still it shouldn't feel this wrong. Dean drove, of course he did. But something had changed. He couldn't quite place it. Their little mission had been normal and then suddenly it hadn't been anymore. He couldn't place when things had changed but there was one event that marked the turn of events. It had been three days ago. The two of them had been feeling strange for some days before that, feeling as though the world had changed. Then Kali had called with some information about a relict that might come from heaven. The pagans wanted nothing to do with this stuff, with another apocalypse. But they knew what to look out for. So the boys had listened to her, driven to the place. It had been a church, small and nice but something was amiss. The pastor told them that an old grail had been stolen. No history on it but that it might have been old enough to be one of the things they were searching for. So they had reported to Castiel. While Dean had talked to Cas Sam had been inside searching for something that would tell them who had taken it. He was gone for some time and in the meantime Bobby had called. He wanted to meet them, told him that he had a suprise for them. The reason they were driving now. They were to meet him. But that really hadn't been the point. Rather it was Sam. When he came out of the church he had been different. Not a demon, Dean had tested for that. But silent. He had shown him a feather. One like the one Gabriel had left with Kali and Emilia. Still Dean was disturbed. Annoyed even. He couldn't figure out what had happened. There was no way that Sam would act like this over a feather.

Dean turned around to look at his brother only to find him reading a book about witchcraft. Yes they had tried to talk. As if that had helped though. Dean still didn't know. Only three things he was certain of. Firstly the talisman Sam held in his hand, was important. Why else would his little brother keep something he had found in a church. Why else would he finger it absentmindly whenever he seemed insecure. Secondly things really shouldn't feel like this. And thirdly they were in deep trouble. It was like every other time when things started to go downhill.

With no solution at hand Dean decided to let the music talk and drove further to the meeting with Bobby. Hoping that somehow there would be no bad messages.

_I see a bad moon rising _

_I see trouble on the way  
I see earthquakes and lightning _

_I see bad times today_

When they stopped in an abandoned park Sam seemed to be normal again. The book was packed away and he seemed more alive than just minutes ago. He had found what he had been looking for Dean guessed. And it was strange that Sam was possibly even more alive than weeks ago. Yes his brother had been quiet for a little longer than the day at the church. Just not that extreme. So him looking alive shouldn't bother him. It really shouldn't and maybe it doesn't. But maybe it does. Things don't seem to make that much sense anymore.

When the two of them walked into the park they were silent. No need to speak. Even in this somehow eery athmosphere the park seemed to have they were comfortable with eachother. Yes in this moment in a lone park without any person around, the swings moving in the wind, trees without leaves, things seemed to be normal. Dean cuckled at that. They were a walking clichee somewhere between a horror-movie and an exrtemly disfunctional family. Even with his brothers odd attitude it felt better than any moment he had been with Lisa and Ben. Life was strange that way.

He breathed in and out and when they sat on a bank to wait and some rays of the sun found their way through the clouds. Dean could see Sam smile. It wasn't a full smile but it was there. His brother was at ease and that alone made Dean ignore the fact that an owl flew over their heads at broad daylight.

They heard a car followed by steps coming closer and it would have been easy to imagine Bobby walking towards them if it had only been one pair of feet they had heard.

They stood simultaneously. What they saw nearly stopped their hearts. And they had seen many things, too much had happened to them for this to be a suprise but still. Still their heads could not wrap around the fact that the people accompanying Bobby were their parents.

After everything was said and done, after they knew it really was their parents and not some imposers there was silence again. They stood there facing eachother. Not really like a standoff with Bobby standing between them but just the way they were. Two boys with their parents, their supposedly dead parents. And one of them didn't even know his mother. It was right and wrong and all the other things that Dean couldn't quite grasp. There was no way to make sense out of this. Yet a word left his mouth. Not more than a breath but he might as well have screamed it. They were all looking at him with this wonder and confusion as though he had said something stupid. Or maybe not all of them. He was too focused on his parents. Looking at Sam he found his brother to look oddly between afraid and confused. But then he had every right to be. He had been away for too long and their mother had died to early for him to remember. Bobby merely looked suprised at the word that had left his mouth. And it did so again when he heard the silent flutter of wings and felt the comforting presence of his angel behind him. "Cas..."  
Even Sam seemed to relax a little after the arrival of the angel. "You called. What is it?" The whole focus of Castiel was Dean. As it was most of the time. When the man ignored him the angel moved his head to follow Deans eyes. What he saw suprised him. Not that anyone could see. Or maybe someone could. Dean had turned his head in hope of an explanation. What he got was not what he had hoped for. Rather it was an irritated angel.

Sam knew that Cas and Dean were having one of this silent conversations as they stared at eachother. And he understood. There was a deeper connection these two shared and they understood and they knew. It wasn't romantic, probably, but the two of them needed the comfort the other could offer in a situation like this. Where everything was different. Even though Sam could tell that and Cas obviously had no idea what was going on his brother seemed more relaxed than before. He himself looked around. Bobby kept things under control which Sam knew was a good thing. He had seen the shock of his parents when Cas had appeared and their confusion at the silent conversation Dean and Cas had. Or maybe the two of them were talking but Sam had stopped listening. It wasn't as if he they were talking to him and too much was going on to concentrate on an explanation the angel was unable to give. If they needed his input they would address him. The same way as every other time. He could see his father well on the way to say something, the face irritated by being ignored. He could see Bobby shooting John a look and Mary touching his arm as if to calm him. Sams body tensed. He couldn't help it but he had been in too many fights with his father and he expected things to blow up. But they didn't. Even in it's strange awkwardness this situation held more hope than he had felt in a long time. He wasn't ready for things to go downhill again.

A movement above the heads of his parents caught his eyes. The owl from before sat there watching them. Sam relaxed. He knew this owl as he knew the talisman. He wouldn't get mad at his dad. There was more hope than he dared to believe in. He souldn't feel that way but then things seemed to make less and less sense anyway. A chance given wouldn't kill anyone. Not yet. He knew he souldn't feel this trust but he knew that there was something that was amiss, something he had seen in his dreams months ago. A past revealed. Whether it was true or not had yet to be confirmed but what he had seen anything but bad. And it gave him hope. He smiled.

She saw how her sons looked at eachother. She saw how they had changed. Grown up. It was different but at the same time she felt like she knew them. The thid man. Or rather angel as Bobby had told them on their way to this place, looked so perfect where he stood. Next to Dean who stood in between Sam and the angel. It looked as if this was how it was supposed to be. Her and John had had an argument or two about the boys becoming hunters and about the past in general but things were fine now. And as she felt him want to talk again she stopped him and took action instead. Sam had been smiling a moment ago and now it was her who wanted to make him smile so she walked towards the trio and hugged her sons. There were no words needed. There should be now words. She could feel Dean respond and seconds later even Sam who had been a little hesitant. When she looked up the angel had vanished. They sat down and talked, caught up on recent events and on life in general. It was stange but right. Nothing seemed to stop this familiar feeling. When they walked to their cars t drive to Bobbys all seemed well. They wanted to organise their search for the lost relics. The boys had not been pleased but John would not be John if he didn't get what he wanted. Dean and John were going to drive in the Impala and that was that. It seemed to be a given but Mary had to chuckle when she saw how John had to drive shotgun. Her sons love for that car might be a bit unhealthy. When she watched Sam open the door to Bobbys car she caught him smile wistfully at an owl sitting on the bench the boys had occupied upon the arrival of her and the two other men. All would be well.

_The world is closing in  
Did you ever think  
That we could be so close, like brothers  
The future's in the air  
I can feel it everywhere  
Blowing with the wind of change_

When she walked down the stairs due to her thirst she felt strange. Again. It was the middle of the night and they had talked forever. They might have talked for minutes. She couldn't place it. There was so much said and so much more left unsaid that she wasn't sure how much time all of them would need. And she had yet to tell of the demon she had met. She had left that part of the story in the dark. For now. It felt important but she had seen how John had reacted when the boys had talked about demons. They had given them a brief rundown on the events of the past. Deans demon-deal and his death, Sams contact and learning with a demon, Dean coming back with the help of Castiel and the whole Apocalypse-affair. It had struck her as strange that despite all the detail they had left out most things about the demon that had worked with and betrayed Sam but when they had mentioned the Apocalypse she had forgotten. As the boys had talked about recent events, explaining what exactly they were searching she had been suprised. Not only by the fact that heaven was in a civil war and had lost some relics but by the fact that they had the help of a goddess. Her sons had left them mostly in the dark as to why the goddess was helping them but she knew that it was for someone she loved. This story had been new even to Bobby and judging the reactions of the older hunter in the room they were not pleased with the company Sam and Dean kept these days.

After she filled a glass with water she walked out to sit on the steps of the patio. It was where she saw him. Her younger son sat at the place she had intended to be the end of her journey. Undecided whether she should disturb him or not she looked around until her eyes fell upon him again. When he looked up she saw him give her a look she couldn't place. So she sat down next to him. She had seen this look before when they had talked about the demon. Mary closed her eyes for a second. "What makes you so sad Sam?" Only after the words had left her mouth she realised that she had never talked to Sam one on one. It was new but familiar at the same time. "I just. Talking about all that has happened I remembered a friend. He betrayed me. I still liked him." A vague explanation but somehow Mary got the feeling it was more than he had admitted to anyone before. "I'm sorry. Do you know why he did it?" She needed to know why her son was in so much pain. It was her instict. "You remember the demon we told you about. The one that _helped_ me? That was her." Marys head shot upwards. Sam had thought of the demon as a friend? It shouldn't suprise her for he had obviously trusted her but the fact that the demon was female gave her a strange feeling as though there was a connection she was supposed to make. She couldn't so she continued to ask somehow unsure how to get Sam to talk, "Yes I do... What about her?" It wasn't the best tactic but maybe he would just tell her on his own. And he did. What came was a suprise to her and at the same time she should have suspected it. "I think I was in love with her. Her name was Ruby. I.. I still believe that she wasn't really evil. She had a soul and you know about my powers right?" He was silent for some seconds, the confession taking it's toll on him but he continued nonetheless, "I had a vision some weeks ago. It was the night you came back I think. It showed me something of her life. It made her the good one. I don't know what to think anymore. I want to believe it. No I do believe it but I'm not sure if it's true. I hate this feeling." At the end of his little monologue Sam had a hand in his hair. His eyes seemed unfocussed but her wasn't the only one who was disturbed. Mary couldn't help it. She remembered the night, Ruby, the spell. A spell she knew a lot more about now that she had had time to do some reasearch on it. "You know that Ruby. I'm sure she wasn't half as bad." That seemed to have caught him off-guard. Or maybe it hadn't. She wondered for a brief second only to find that it wasn't the fact she had stated but rather the knowledge she held that had suprised him. "I know." His voice sounded calm but she couldn't tell. After all the vision Ruby had shown her had been the first time she had really seen Sam since her death. And that was quiet some time ago. "How do you know?" As he trailed off she wondered for a moment whether she should tell the secret. "I met her. You remember when I told you about how I woke up and came here to Bobbys? She was there. She came back as well and I didn't trust her. So she showed me her memories. I knew the spell. I knew it was true. I was suprised." "Of course you are. Nothing like this has ever been before. My vision, the memories she showed you. Maybe they were the same. It was around the same time." And he was silent again. His voice still held the same tone as before. More than before though things seemed to make sense now. She remembered. This spell was one she and her mum had talked about when she was younger and her new research had helped with the gaps she had had to fill. It had been made to show the truth to other witches, to show that one was trustworthy. But at times there were people, normal humans who needed to be convinced of these things. And a powerful witch could do so by using this spell from afar. It would work if she really wanted for the person to know the truth. Was it possible that Ruby didn't know how much power she had or that she had wanted Sam to know the truth so much that she had shown it to him unintentionally? "It's possible." The only thing she answered. There was not much more to say. Explaining the spell would be too difficult for her at this late hour. They were safe for now. And when she saw Sam look at an own sitting on one of the cars she smiled a small smile. Maybe they were safer than they thought. Who knew.

Inside Dean had his eyes glued to the ceiling. He had heard Sam leaving and he had heard Mary. Things were still strange. They were still feeling wrong. But a part of him felt that wrong might just be the new right. This small family-gathering felt right enough. He could tell that things would go downhill soon. But the way things looked there was more hope than he had imagined even if a stupid arch-angel tried to start a new apocalypse. Even if he was stonger than Cas. There was Balthazar the wildcard. Who knew what he would do but Dean didn't like him. Then there was Gabe. Maybe. Who knew if the angel was really alive and what he was up to. There were Kali and Emilia. They helped more than they realised he thought. They really had become a home-base. Most research was done at Kalis house which after all had more than enough space and the possibilities due to a great library and contact to other gods were good. And there was always Emilia who made everyone smile when they were down. And now there was his family as well. Dean had to chuckle at that. John had been John. Coplicated. But he was obviously devoted and he would help them. And Mary? She seemed to be totally into this whole thing even though she had not wanted to be a hunter in the past. Yes things definietly looked brighter that way. When he looked outside towards his mother and brother he felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He would just ignore the owl for now he thought as the tall bird flew into the direcction of the moon. For once the chaos he knew would come wasn't half as bad. Screw Raphael and whoever would now take over hell.


End file.
